B: I’m a businessman, but only in the loosest of meanings of the word. I don’t spend my nights hovering over financials. I don’t personally oversee hiring, firing, buying- I’m a businessman in the most abstract of terms.
At my level, I speak in generalities. Because when you’re making multi-billion dollar decisions, spreadsheets don’t win people over. You still need those, because other people operating at this level had their own accountants who want to make sure the numbers add up, but to win over the bosses, you have to be able to craft a story.
And I think I finally have one for this economy.
Imagine our economy is a poor man. He works hard, but he doesn’t make enough to pay all his bills. So he’s deeply in debt.
Then he becomes ill. It’s not life-threatening, but it’s that kind of long, lingering illness that will stay with you for weeks, perhaps months, if untreated. He manages to go to work, but his productivity plummets, and his piece-rate wage dips.
So now he’s ill, and having even more difficulty making his bills. He’s worried that perhaps his credit can’t take the hit.
He’s not sure what to do. Medicine, and good food, could help him get healthy faster. It would also mean going deeper into debt. But there’s the chance that if he gets healthy faster, his productivity might go back up fast enough to make up for whatever extra debt he took on. He could even come out of it ahead.
It’s essentially the same argument I’ve been making, and it’s the same one Paul Krugman has, as well- though this is certainly closer to a parable.
DI: But the nutshell, basically, is that austerity during a fiscal crisis might be counterproductive.
B: Exactly. If the economy were healthy, telling the man in our scenario to do more to live within his means would be completely appropriate. But with a frail economy, it is harder to see how doubling-down on shrinking the economy is a good idea.
DI: Okay, you lost me.
B: Government spending doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It goes to contractors and workers who then filter that money to other parts of the economy. If that money suddenly disappears, then it takes money out of the economy. Put another way, a highway construction worker who eats a cheeseburger every day for lunch who gets laid off is no longer buying that cheeseburger. Worse, you’re only partially defraying the costs, since he’s likely to go on unemployment, so you’re still paying for some of his work, only with none of his productivity.
There’s nothing wrong with asking how large a government we should have, what functions it should provide, and how much we’re willing to pay for it. But I’m worried that the spending cuts we’re looking at now, they aren’t helpful, and they may even be like ancient physicians trying to bleed a patient back to health.
DI: I want to come back to your specific formulation, there. You were very deliberate in saying “how much we’re willing to pay” for government. Why was that?
B: Because it’s unfair to say, “this is how much I want to pay” for something. Ideally, government would be free. In a perfect world, food and shelter would be free, too. And when I stop at a burger place, I don’t want to pay seven bucks for a burger- but that’s how much it costs, after paying for the ingredients, the rent, the staff, and a reasonable margin of profit for the owners.
And government exists largely within the same constraints. I don’t want to pay $1300 per person for Medicare, but that’s how expensive it is- and those costs are 40% cheaper than private insurance would be.
There’s tension, between how much we want government to be able to do for us, and how much of that we’re willing to pay for. And that’s certainly a discussion we should be having, on a continual basis that we aren’t.
I see similar problems in discussions of the debt ceiling. A majority of Americans favor not raising the debt ceiling.
I understand those poll results, in the context that people conflate the debt with the budget. But the ceiling isn’t the budget. The ceiling is the credit card bill. These are things that previous Congresses approved, laws already enacted, spending already carried out. This is money owed, money that other people are expecting to come in- that individuals and businesses and potentially entire economies are counting on.
Part of the reason the financial crisis had such reverberations is that people who were responsible, who shouldn’t have been in trouble, suddenly weren’t being paid for services rendered. But the government is several times larger than any failed company- and the splash its default would make is tough to even comprehend.
But the worst problem is that even when the ceiling gets its eventual raise, this grandstanding about not raising the debt limit could drop our credit rating.
DI: Crap. And then our rates go up. And we enter the debt death-spiral basically anyone whose ever been poor or in college is familiar with- and that includes journalists who paid their way through school. But can’t not fixing our debt problems also destroy our credit?
B: This is definitely a danger. But what markets want is long-term sustainability. They want to see that the government is going to be able to keep paying it’s bills. One way to do that is to stop using the heat in the house. The other is to bring home more revenue.
And there’s nothing- save for the Republican leadership- saying we can’t try a combination of both. My preference has always been for finding ways that the government can be leaner, without destroying its ability to help its citizens. And frankly there are a lot of people out there who don’t pay their fair share of the taxes- largely because of a disparity of lobbying power.
DI: Okay, I think we’ve filled out space quota. But you know what happens whenever you rant politically, don’t you? We live-write some more Wonder Woman pilot. The last bit was here, but why don’t you give us a quick, “Last time one Wonder Woman” synopsis.
B: Last time, on Wonder Woman, she punched me through a window to safeguard a woman wanted in connection with a murder investigation. We open on Cale Pharmaceuticals, specifically their Gotham research facility. Diana is dressed in smart business attire, with her hair up in a bun.
DI: Sounds very naughty librarian.
B: She’s only there to observe. She’s with Detective Bullock, overweight and overbearing, with a cadre of uniformed officers. They’re investigating the claims about Kapatellis.
DI: You’re telling, not showing.
B: Diana watches as Veronica Cale, who flew there in her helicopter, argues with Bullock about the validity of his warrant. Her lawyer gave up minutes ago, but she’s still staring angrily at Bullock.
Bullock:
Amanda Waller, Department of Metahuman Affairs. She’s the person you’ll have to take that up with. The ambassador is here as a courtesy; the information for our warrant came from her embassy. Everything else, including the thousand dollar words and the ten-thousand dollar mouthpiece, are above my paygrade. Now if you’ll allow me through, I’d hate to have to charge you with obstruction.
Her lawyer nods, and Cale steps out of the way. Diana and Cale exchange an icy stare, but Diana plays her cards close to the vest. She believes Cale is up to something, but isn’t ready to stake her name and reputation on it. Yet.
We cut to cops looking through lab material. And cut again, to the cops leaving, tails between their legs. Cale is triumphant. Bullock is talking to Diana.
Bullock.
Nuthin.
Diana:
Nothing?
Bullock:
No Kapatellis, none of the equipment you expect to find, either. Looks clean.
Cale:
You were expecting, what? Frankenstein monsters and imprisoned orphans? This is a pharmaceutical company in Gotham, not the Liberal conception of a third world sweat shop. Now if you’re done, I have a business to run.
Bullock tips his hat at Cale.
Bullock:
Ma’am.
Are you going to join in anytime soon?
DI: Sorry. I was transfixed by that accent you were doing for Bullock.
B:
Lawyer:
Unless you require anything further, I can start drafting a harassment complaint against the Amazon.
She waves him away with her hand. The solid wall behind her shimmers, and a man, handsome and tall, steps through where it had been.
DI: Behind him, we can see indeed a grotesque menagerie of scientific and surgical apparatuses. Bathed largely in shadow is the face of a young woman.
Doctor:
They only saw what we wanted them to see.
B:
Cale:
Thank you, Edgar.
DI: We zoom in on that face in the background, as the woman eye opens wide, panicked and afraid. Cut to black.
B: And a commercial break?
DI: You aren’t that lucky. We’re back on the sidewalk. Diana exits the building. We see a black limousine parked on the curb.
B: Don’t.
DI: We here a man’s voice from offscreen, behind Diana.
Bruce:
Diana. I didn’t expect to see you back in Gotham so soon.
DI: She recognizes the voice, and smiles as she turns to see Bruce Wayne.
B:
Diana:
Bruce, how are the ribs?
Bruce:
Fine.
Diana:
You’re breathing heavily.
DI:
Bruce:
You have that effect on men.
B: I hate you.
Diana:
I’m sorry.
DI: He can’t let it go that easily. But then he smiles, wide, because they’re not alone anymore.
Bruce:
Always a pleasure, Madame Ambassador. And I’ll have my office get in touch with yours about that fundraiser.
You shake hands, and yours lingers, just a moment. There’s a lot in that handshake.
And now we mercifully go to commercial.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
I Can See Your Underpants
DI: Okay, now I have something to ask you. You’re usually a pretty practical guy. So I assume that even when you do something strange, you do it for a reason. So why did you where your underwear outside your pants.
B: You’ll have to be more specific. But if you’re talking about last New Years, I’d have to say liquor.
DI: Cute. But no, I’m talking about your costume. Black or blue underpants on the outside? Were you just trying to copy Clark, or what?
B: He has the excuse of it being a Kryptonian design. I, well, I needed extra support. And protection. The earliest costume I wore, which didn’t last long, was basically just a black unitard. That got replaced quite early on, because I kept getting hit in the balls. Even untrained criminals know to aim for the weak points, apparently. Even the costume that followed was basically still a unitard, only with several sheets of Kevlar sewn into the chest. The crotch padding was difficult, though, because without having the suit custom-sewn, it was going to cause a really odd crotch bulge. Alfred had the bright idea of making the padding part of a design that looked almost like underpants- I was afraid it would make me look like I was wearing a diaper, but it had the effect of leading the eyes away from the bulge. After I adopted a sleaker, more armored design to the costumes, it was pretty simple to conceal the padding, but at that point the design had become a part of the persona, and it kind of stuck. I’ve used hundred of different costumes through the years, so not all of them had the underpants design- but there it is. Mystery solved.
DI: But on that note, DC Comics, the subsidiary to Warner whom you and the League lease your license rights to for the sake of charity, are relaunching most of their books. And there’s apparently an editorial edict, one demanding that all of the female characters cover up their legs. Notably, this has effected characters like Zatanna- known popularly for her magical feats and fishnet leggings- though not necessarily in that order.
B: That’s a travesty.
DI: You say, as someone quite familiar with Zatanna and her leggings.
B: Careful.
DI: I don’t meant to imply anything by it. Just that you’re at the very least friendly with her. Colleagues. And I’m sure, as a connoisseur of the female form, you’ve at least taken in the sight.
B: She’s a friend. And we’ve worked together, extensively. She’s a hell of a magician- and she’s got some excellent legs- a fact I know she’s proud of.
DI: Really?
B: Of course. You can’t magic up legs like that. She works out. She shows them off because she’s proud of them. There’s also an element of distraction to it, too, but that isn’t all of it.
DI: Hmm. Because of a fairly recent change to her costume, at least in comics, Wonder Woman isn’t being affected. In fact, her costume change seems to be a precursor. What did you think about that, when it happened?
B: I agree with Gloria Steinem’s reaction, actually- which extends to the entire line. Making it so superheroes have to wear pants make it seem like only pants are powerful. Which is of course blatantly untrue. She cited the ancient Greeks, who basically wore armored skirts into battle, and sumo wrestlers. What’s more insidious, I think, is that it takes away choice from the equation. I think Diana said something similar, in her response about the MAC make-up collection she endorsed, but feminism should be about choice.
DC having the standard heroine costume be skimpy is sexist. Dictating that heroines cover-up, almost burqa-like, is just as sexist. It might make it harder to objectify them, but it’s no less sexist. And more to the point, the new costumes are still skin-tight, the art used on them still ridiculously over-accentuates the female form. There are lots of things DC could do to make their heroines both more realistic and healthier representations of femininity, but forcing all of them into pants is not one of them.
Speaking of Diana specifically, her usual outfit, the one-piece bathing suit, is the casual version. Her actual costume looks a lot like Greek armor- the one-piece is what she wears under all the leather armor. But unless she’s planning on being smacked around with a sword and a shield, wearing around the armor everywhere is impractical- not to mention uncomfortable. And she sweats in it. A lot.
DI: And nobody wants to buy BO Wonder Woman action figures.
B: No. And I know how that feels. I’ve got some armor that’s basically everything-proof; anything short of someone drop a Sherman tank on my head wouldn’t hurt. But my entire body smells like the inside of a marching boot for a week after wearing it.
DI: And is your opinion maybe the least bit biased by having spent time with women in phenomenal shape who seem to have a collective aversion to fabric.
B: Of course. I am an unapologetic admirer of the female body. Always have been. But I’m pretty sure that’s a biologic necessity- not something to feel ashamed of.
DI: Even though you came out?
B: Just because I’m no longer looking to buy a new sports car doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate ones that drive down the street.
DI: I can’t tell if you’re ironically objectifying women.
B: I’d say it’s more accurately categorized as a metaphor. Women are of course people, with thoughts, feelings, desires and the right to be treated with respect. But that doesn’t mean men can’t or shouldn’t appreciate the way they look, or how the way they look makes us feel. And vice versa. We’re all of us human beings, and our sexuality is very much a part of the experience of being human. It doesn’t make sense to deny that part of ourselves.
B: You’ll have to be more specific. But if you’re talking about last New Years, I’d have to say liquor.
DI: Cute. But no, I’m talking about your costume. Black or blue underpants on the outside? Were you just trying to copy Clark, or what?
B: He has the excuse of it being a Kryptonian design. I, well, I needed extra support. And protection. The earliest costume I wore, which didn’t last long, was basically just a black unitard. That got replaced quite early on, because I kept getting hit in the balls. Even untrained criminals know to aim for the weak points, apparently. Even the costume that followed was basically still a unitard, only with several sheets of Kevlar sewn into the chest. The crotch padding was difficult, though, because without having the suit custom-sewn, it was going to cause a really odd crotch bulge. Alfred had the bright idea of making the padding part of a design that looked almost like underpants- I was afraid it would make me look like I was wearing a diaper, but it had the effect of leading the eyes away from the bulge. After I adopted a sleaker, more armored design to the costumes, it was pretty simple to conceal the padding, but at that point the design had become a part of the persona, and it kind of stuck. I’ve used hundred of different costumes through the years, so not all of them had the underpants design- but there it is. Mystery solved.
DI: But on that note, DC Comics, the subsidiary to Warner whom you and the League lease your license rights to for the sake of charity, are relaunching most of their books. And there’s apparently an editorial edict, one demanding that all of the female characters cover up their legs. Notably, this has effected characters like Zatanna- known popularly for her magical feats and fishnet leggings- though not necessarily in that order.
B: That’s a travesty.
DI: You say, as someone quite familiar with Zatanna and her leggings.
B: Careful.
DI: I don’t meant to imply anything by it. Just that you’re at the very least friendly with her. Colleagues. And I’m sure, as a connoisseur of the female form, you’ve at least taken in the sight.
B: She’s a friend. And we’ve worked together, extensively. She’s a hell of a magician- and she’s got some excellent legs- a fact I know she’s proud of.
DI: Really?
B: Of course. You can’t magic up legs like that. She works out. She shows them off because she’s proud of them. There’s also an element of distraction to it, too, but that isn’t all of it.
DI: Hmm. Because of a fairly recent change to her costume, at least in comics, Wonder Woman isn’t being affected. In fact, her costume change seems to be a precursor. What did you think about that, when it happened?
B: I agree with Gloria Steinem’s reaction, actually- which extends to the entire line. Making it so superheroes have to wear pants make it seem like only pants are powerful. Which is of course blatantly untrue. She cited the ancient Greeks, who basically wore armored skirts into battle, and sumo wrestlers. What’s more insidious, I think, is that it takes away choice from the equation. I think Diana said something similar, in her response about the MAC make-up collection she endorsed, but feminism should be about choice.
DC having the standard heroine costume be skimpy is sexist. Dictating that heroines cover-up, almost burqa-like, is just as sexist. It might make it harder to objectify them, but it’s no less sexist. And more to the point, the new costumes are still skin-tight, the art used on them still ridiculously over-accentuates the female form. There are lots of things DC could do to make their heroines both more realistic and healthier representations of femininity, but forcing all of them into pants is not one of them.
Speaking of Diana specifically, her usual outfit, the one-piece bathing suit, is the casual version. Her actual costume looks a lot like Greek armor- the one-piece is what she wears under all the leather armor. But unless she’s planning on being smacked around with a sword and a shield, wearing around the armor everywhere is impractical- not to mention uncomfortable. And she sweats in it. A lot.
DI: And nobody wants to buy BO Wonder Woman action figures.
B: No. And I know how that feels. I’ve got some armor that’s basically everything-proof; anything short of someone drop a Sherman tank on my head wouldn’t hurt. But my entire body smells like the inside of a marching boot for a week after wearing it.
DI: And is your opinion maybe the least bit biased by having spent time with women in phenomenal shape who seem to have a collective aversion to fabric.
B: Of course. I am an unapologetic admirer of the female body. Always have been. But I’m pretty sure that’s a biologic necessity- not something to feel ashamed of.
DI: Even though you came out?
B: Just because I’m no longer looking to buy a new sports car doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate ones that drive down the street.
DI: I can’t tell if you’re ironically objectifying women.
B: I’d say it’s more accurately categorized as a metaphor. Women are of course people, with thoughts, feelings, desires and the right to be treated with respect. But that doesn’t mean men can’t or shouldn’t appreciate the way they look, or how the way they look makes us feel. And vice versa. We’re all of us human beings, and our sexuality is very much a part of the experience of being human. It doesn’t make sense to deny that part of ourselves.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Batman is a Dick
DI: You’re a dick.
B: And you’re stupid. What are we doing here?
DI: You’re insulting me, apparently.
B: Oh, and you’re ugly.
DI: Quit it. My point was you’ve developed a reputation for being… strident.
B: You just called me a dick. Why are you trying to walk it back now?
DI: I’m not, it’s just that I bought a thesaurus and want to justify my purchase through the gratuitous use of synonyms.
B: I don’t know if ‘strident’ is quite right.
DI: My thesaurus had no suggestions for ‘bite me.’ But you’ve got a habit of being frank.
B: Only when I get tired of being Bruce.
DI: So the one time I actually want to talk about you being a jerk, you’re doing shtick? Which I guess is pretty dicky. Kudos. But that kind of forthrightness, before I knew you were Bruce Wayne, I always figured it was from social ineptitude. But see, in your day to day, you’re witty, charming, personable- you know how to socialize, you just don’t like to. So where did that come from?
B: Well, when I first started out, it wasn’t a thing to put on a costume and punch people- I mean, outside of specific brothels that catered to that sort of thing in Amsterdam, anyway.
DI: Wait, are you saying you’ve frequented S & M clubs in Amsterdam?
B: Just that I’m familiar with them. Personally I’ve never had the time. Being the CEO of a multibillion multinational company, plus my preference for staying close to Gotham-
DI: Talk about that.
B: My parents were killed because of crime. My alter ego we’ll call him, was created to fight crime, to cut the odds of that ever happening to another little boy or girl. Every night that I stay outside of Gotham, is an opportunity for that to happen again. I can’t stop every crime- but if I was out there, on the streets, then I did my best. But if I wasn’t there because I was doing whatever in Holland- it’s just not even a choice for me.
DI: Okay. But as you were saying.
B: Right. When I first started training, there weren’t really superheroes- outside of the pulp stories, you know, the Phantom, the Shadow, Zorro. I think by the time Alfred had finished sewing my first costume Clark was flying around in that garish unitard, but he and I were the first on the scene- at least, the first we knew about. Later we met some of the older, retired heroes, your Jay Garricks and your Alan Scotts- the ones who came and went before our time.
DI: Should you be using their real names?
B: Well, the funny story there is, they were the original Flash and Green Lanterns. But later on, others took up their monikers. But they continued being personalities, particularly in the campaign for elderly rights, working with the AARP and the Justice Society, under their real names.
But Clark and I were the first in a masked man renaissance. Pretty shortly after we met Diana. And it wasn’t too long before we formed the Justice League, which I know Clark has talked about at length.
DI: And which we’ll have to, at some point.
B: But most of the people we met, they weren’t like Clark or Diana. They made me nervous, because they were both so powerful, yet so inexperienced. But they had carriage; almost from the start I always assumed they would both remain on the up and up.
But that didn’t go for all of the others we met. I don’t like shaming people I worked with, but Plastic Man is an idiot. He knows it. And despite any and all my efforts to get him to mature, just a little, he’ll probably always be an idiot. And I don’t suffer fools lightly. It might have been a game to people who suddenly found themselves with the power to alter matter, but for me, I was a normal person, easily damaged, as were most of the people we were working to help.
Or maybe it’s just that I watched my parents bleed out on a sidewalk. I was as intimate with the consequences of failing at our task as anyone could be. Even the idea that I might be made responsible for that happening to someone else made me see red. I still get a little pissy about it, honestly. It’s not a burden required of any of us, but once we took it up, we owed it to those we were trying to save to be professional and do what we could.
DI: So you were like the drill sergeant whose harsh, but only because he really cares?
B: I don’t know if I’d characterize it exactly like that.
DI: Okay, here’s your chance to define yourself, then. Do you think you’re a dick?
B: I think sometimes it makes sense to be terse. I think sometimes it’s helpful to have someone willing to make an unpopular decision.
DI: So you are a Dick- in the vein, no pun intended, of Dick Cheney!
B: I think the difference between me and the former Vice President is that I don’t relish it. I don’t go out of my way looking for reasons to be a dick.
Working in the league, there were a lot of people who didn’t have a military or police background, people who would have benefited from some formal training. Sometimes I had to come down on them, hard, before they managed to screw up in a catastrophic way, in public.
DI: So you’d say you lean more towards Darth Vader, then. Without the child-murdering, back-stabbing and general evil, obviously.
B: Then what’s left? My penchant for wearing black?
DI: And the heavy breathing. Kidding. Though you do have an almost James Earl Jonesy voice when you’re pissed off. Say, “Come to the dark side.”
B: No.
DI: How about, “Simba, you must bite your uncle.” Damn- I thought I’d remember something more specific from the Lion King.
B: If I admit to wishing I could force-choke people on occasion will you stop?
DI: Yes. Maybe.
B: I find your lack of clarity disturbing.
DI: Awesome. Chills. And goose bumps. Want to feel them?
B: No.
DI: Fair enough.
B: And you’re stupid. What are we doing here?
DI: You’re insulting me, apparently.
B: Oh, and you’re ugly.
DI: Quit it. My point was you’ve developed a reputation for being… strident.
B: You just called me a dick. Why are you trying to walk it back now?
DI: I’m not, it’s just that I bought a thesaurus and want to justify my purchase through the gratuitous use of synonyms.
B: I don’t know if ‘strident’ is quite right.
DI: My thesaurus had no suggestions for ‘bite me.’ But you’ve got a habit of being frank.
B: Only when I get tired of being Bruce.
DI: So the one time I actually want to talk about you being a jerk, you’re doing shtick? Which I guess is pretty dicky. Kudos. But that kind of forthrightness, before I knew you were Bruce Wayne, I always figured it was from social ineptitude. But see, in your day to day, you’re witty, charming, personable- you know how to socialize, you just don’t like to. So where did that come from?
B: Well, when I first started out, it wasn’t a thing to put on a costume and punch people- I mean, outside of specific brothels that catered to that sort of thing in Amsterdam, anyway.
DI: Wait, are you saying you’ve frequented S & M clubs in Amsterdam?
B: Just that I’m familiar with them. Personally I’ve never had the time. Being the CEO of a multibillion multinational company, plus my preference for staying close to Gotham-
DI: Talk about that.
B: My parents were killed because of crime. My alter ego we’ll call him, was created to fight crime, to cut the odds of that ever happening to another little boy or girl. Every night that I stay outside of Gotham, is an opportunity for that to happen again. I can’t stop every crime- but if I was out there, on the streets, then I did my best. But if I wasn’t there because I was doing whatever in Holland- it’s just not even a choice for me.
DI: Okay. But as you were saying.
B: Right. When I first started training, there weren’t really superheroes- outside of the pulp stories, you know, the Phantom, the Shadow, Zorro. I think by the time Alfred had finished sewing my first costume Clark was flying around in that garish unitard, but he and I were the first on the scene- at least, the first we knew about. Later we met some of the older, retired heroes, your Jay Garricks and your Alan Scotts- the ones who came and went before our time.
DI: Should you be using their real names?
B: Well, the funny story there is, they were the original Flash and Green Lanterns. But later on, others took up their monikers. But they continued being personalities, particularly in the campaign for elderly rights, working with the AARP and the Justice Society, under their real names.
But Clark and I were the first in a masked man renaissance. Pretty shortly after we met Diana. And it wasn’t too long before we formed the Justice League, which I know Clark has talked about at length.
DI: And which we’ll have to, at some point.
B: But most of the people we met, they weren’t like Clark or Diana. They made me nervous, because they were both so powerful, yet so inexperienced. But they had carriage; almost from the start I always assumed they would both remain on the up and up.
But that didn’t go for all of the others we met. I don’t like shaming people I worked with, but Plastic Man is an idiot. He knows it. And despite any and all my efforts to get him to mature, just a little, he’ll probably always be an idiot. And I don’t suffer fools lightly. It might have been a game to people who suddenly found themselves with the power to alter matter, but for me, I was a normal person, easily damaged, as were most of the people we were working to help.
Or maybe it’s just that I watched my parents bleed out on a sidewalk. I was as intimate with the consequences of failing at our task as anyone could be. Even the idea that I might be made responsible for that happening to someone else made me see red. I still get a little pissy about it, honestly. It’s not a burden required of any of us, but once we took it up, we owed it to those we were trying to save to be professional and do what we could.
DI: So you were like the drill sergeant whose harsh, but only because he really cares?
B: I don’t know if I’d characterize it exactly like that.
DI: Okay, here’s your chance to define yourself, then. Do you think you’re a dick?
B: I think sometimes it makes sense to be terse. I think sometimes it’s helpful to have someone willing to make an unpopular decision.
DI: So you are a Dick- in the vein, no pun intended, of Dick Cheney!
B: I think the difference between me and the former Vice President is that I don’t relish it. I don’t go out of my way looking for reasons to be a dick.
Working in the league, there were a lot of people who didn’t have a military or police background, people who would have benefited from some formal training. Sometimes I had to come down on them, hard, before they managed to screw up in a catastrophic way, in public.
DI: So you’d say you lean more towards Darth Vader, then. Without the child-murdering, back-stabbing and general evil, obviously.
B: Then what’s left? My penchant for wearing black?
DI: And the heavy breathing. Kidding. Though you do have an almost James Earl Jonesy voice when you’re pissed off. Say, “Come to the dark side.”
B: No.
DI: How about, “Simba, you must bite your uncle.” Damn- I thought I’d remember something more specific from the Lion King.
B: If I admit to wishing I could force-choke people on occasion will you stop?
DI: Yes. Maybe.
B: I find your lack of clarity disturbing.
DI: Awesome. Chills. And goose bumps. Want to feel them?
B: No.
DI: Fair enough.
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